Love

I don't think I've ever really been to keen on the idea of "love."
Of course, I love my family and my friends, but the whole "falling in love" with someone has always seemed quite silly to me. As if, we are depending on someone else for our happiness. Or fooling ourselves to think that we need to have a significant other, like that's how things are supposed to be. I guess that's how I felt about it. I mean, it's still pretty stupid when kids my age think they are in love, but what I'm talking about right now is the "real" thing. I mean, how could you ever really know what that is anyway? There are so many people in this world, how can you know that so-and-so is destined to be with you? You don't.
But, I've been thinking.
Now, as I said in my last post, I feel like there's a part of me missing. Something I need to find. Not that I'm unwhole, just there's a final part that I have not yet found yet. I don't know if any of that makes sense to you, but still, I've been thinking.
I suppose that when people get married most times and are in "love", that other person, the one they are marrying, is their missing piece.
But, I don't really think that a person like that will be mine.
I think everyone has their own special piece to find.
Maybe it's an action like traveling or saving people or something
Maybe it's their job
Maybe it's a loved one
Maybe it a house or home or...just, whatever.
But all I'm really saying is that maybe love isn't so stupid.
Maybe it's just the glue that puts together two pieces of the whole.

"Before Yoko and I met, we were half a person. You know there's an old myth about people being half and the other half being in the sky, or in heaven or on the other side of the universe or a mirror image. But we are two halves, and together we're whole."--John Lennon

"In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
And I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I've been looking for"
--Billy Joel

Sometimes

I can't shake the feeling that nobody really knows or understands me.
I guess this is understandable, because nobody can really know anybody for certain.
But still, there are some illusions I wouldn't mind believing. (Like, feeling as if there is someone you know that really understands.)
It's a shame really.
I don't know if there is anybody like me.
And if there is, I don't know them.
But there has to be, right? I mean, there are so many people out there... Wouldn't it be a bit ridiculous to think that there is no one like myself?
Yet...what if I never come across this person/these people? What if I just wander feeling quite alone. Not alone as in without friends or people I like, but alone as in all of my friends don't really see me; they don't see all of me. I'm only partially there; here; anywhere. They only see so much and even if they think it's all of me, it isn't. There's something about me no one else sees, or if one person does, another person doesn't. So I am incomplete. I feel whole except there seems to be a gap somewhere. So close yet so far away. I don't know if I'm making any sense to you. I don't even think anyone is reading this.
I think the rest of my life will be made up of waiting and searching. Possibly for someone that doesn't exist. Possibly for the rest of myself. Maybe they are the same thing. Like how John felt he was only half a person till he met Yoko. Maybe my other piece is something else.

The Search Continues...